Are you in a rut? Does it feel like your life is at a standstill? The stagnant feeling is antithetical to growth and is an onerous state in which to live. It can lead to avoidance, passivity, anxiety, and depression. And while everyone can experience this at times, it’s important to learn how to identify it so you can move through this feeling.
Let’s get clear about what it means to feel stuck. The definition of stagnation is a state marked by the absence of flow, movement, or development. When we consider what this means in the context of our lives, it feels a lot like the absence of growth and a lack of flourishing. It’s a bind that can show up in our careers, relationships, families, and environment.
The Function of Stagnation
What do it look like to feel stagnant?
- You’ve stayed in the same job for years; yet, it leaves you feeling perpetually unchallenged, unmotivated, and uninspired.
- The dynamic between you and your spouse feels monotonous and predictable.
- Your creative side has felt dormant and unexpressed for a long period of time.
These are but a few examples of how stagnation can creep into our lives. And often there’s a function to it. By staying stagnant, we’re shielding ourselves from potential vulnerabilities, mistakes, and failures. We’re avoiding new experiences that could push us to the edge of our comfort zone. In essence, being at a standstill can feel (un)comfortably safe.
The problem; however, is that prolonged stagnation juxtaposes another basic human need. That is, to experience variety and uncertainty. These feeling states are what generate vitality – they are what keep us interested, engaged, and curious about ourselves and the world. They create a sense of aliveness within us by helping us reach our full potential.
Variety vs. Stagnation
Applying for that new promotion at work because you know it will challenge and excite you, even though you simultaneously feel nervous and uncomfortable.
Going on a spontaneous weekend trip with your partner and discovering something new about each other.
Signing up for that writing seminar you’ve been putting off for months.
Everyone has their own personal edge between comfort and discomfort. You need to discover what that means to you. Sometimes just a slight 5-degree shift towards that edge will be all it takes to generate that a feeling of vitality. Too much variety and uncertainty; however, can push us over the edge into a state of fear. It’s about finding that sweet spot – not too much, not too little.
How To Shake the Stagnant Feeling
If you’ve identified that you’re in a state of stagnation, well done. The first step is to name it. Now it’s time to get curious. These 7 questions can help you identify the specific parts of your life that you’re avoiding, what feelings you may be subconsciously trying to evade, and what actions you can take to move yourself through this state.
- What parts of my life am I avoiding? Name the specific tasks, people, projects, opportunities, and callings.
- What is this avoidance protecting me from feeling?
- When I imagine my future self, I see him/her/they doing…
- When I imagine my future self, I see him/her/they looking like…
- When I imagine my future self, I see him/her/they feeling…
- When I imagine my future self, I see him/her/they surrounded by {insert people]…
- What is ONE small action I can take to APPROACH the areas of my life that I’m avoiding….
Moving from Stagnant to Growth
Do you have a greater understanding of what you’re specifically avoiding in your life? Are you clearer about how this avoidance may be protecting you from certain vulnerable feelings?
It’s important to understand the why before moving on to the how. However, taking action is an integral step to moving forward. As uncomfortable as it may be, the only way to dismantle avoidance is to lean into the very thing that feels so hard. Even in the slightest of ways. Taking one small action will help you loosen the feeling of stagnation.
If taking action feels too difficult, go back to the feeling that you’re avoidance is protecting you from experiencing. Is it a feeling of failure? Criticism? Rejection? Whatever it may be, play the tape forward and imagine yourself in this “worst-case scenario.” Think about what you might do if you don’t succeed or if someone rejects your work. Now, imagine yourself being resourceful and capable enough of moving through this dreaded experience. Think about who you would call to help support you. Consider the inner resources you have that will help move you through this experience. Often when we allow ourselves to go to these imagined states – and picture ourselves getting through it, the fear starts to loosen its grip.
It may be helpful to navigate this process in the presence of a therapist. This person can help guide you and be a place to land when you start feeling overwhelmed.
What is most important is to practice self-compassion when you are in this state. It’s natural to feel stuck at times – we’ve all been there. But when you’re ready, start investigating this place through a curious, compassionate lens. This will help you deepen your understanding of what is getting in the way, and what you may need to move forward.