When we go through a transition, we simultaneously let go of something from our past.

Being in transition is a lot like standing at a crossroads. You look one way and see your former reality in the distance. You look the other way and see a future, unknown and unfamiliar. It is in this transitory space where you say goodbye to something from your past. Your understanding of what that something is; however, is not always clear.

Loss, it comes in all shapes and sizes

Often we think of loss in terms of death and dying. Yet loss takes many forms and holds different meanings. Sometimes losses brought upon by a transition are ambiguous. Leaving home for the first time, graduating college, becoming a new parent, or going through a career change. These losses are experiential shifts that signify an ending to our sense of stability, familiarity, comfort, even a part of our identity.

These types of losses can be harder to name and identify; yet, they significantly impact our well-being. Moving through such losses is similar to grief. We can cycle through a range of emotions from everything to anger, sadness, denial, and even bargaining.

Don’t confuse grief with making a mistake

It feels paradoxical to experience grief around a loss while simultaneously feeling joy and excitement about the future. People commonly assume that feeling sadness during a transition indicates a big mistake. They tell themselves something must be terribly wrong if they’re having such mixed emotions.

Take Jennifer, for example. Jennifer dreamt of moving to a new city for the last three years. She was ready for a career shift and finally, after a ton of thoughtful planning and preparation, she lands the perfect job on the opposite coast. Excited for this next chapter, Jennifer takes the leap and moves to her new time zone.

As she adjusts to this new world, Jennifer notices that in between the excitement she often thinks about home. She misses her local favorites – the coffee shop, the running trails, even her weird neighbor. The parts of her former life that she regarded as frustrating, now strangely feel comforting. She reminisces about her former self who was so “comfortable” and “confident” in everyday life. Where is that person now? Comfortable- a feeling from the distant past is now replaced with self-doubt. Did I make a mistake moving here, she asks?

Jennifer is in a transition. While she can’t be certain that this new job is the right fit for the long run, Jennifer’s experiencing the messy middle of being at a crossroads. She’s full of excitement for her new beginning; yet, is grieving the loss of her former world – and former self in that world.

Does it mean she’s made a mistake? Not necessarily. These feelings are a natural byproduct of stepping into something new. She’s saying goodbye to her past, while welcoming the future, in all of its uncertainty.

Moving through the loss.

The most important action is to name and honor what it is you’re losing. If it feels unclear, brainstorm. No loss is too small to count.

Consider what change has occurred and what is consequently shifting. Ask yourself, what parts of you will you miss? Are you saying goodbye to certain people, places, or a period of your life?

Once you have a sense of what you’re saying goodbye to, acknowledge the feelings that come up. Grab a journal or call someone you trust, and talk through your feelings. Give yourself space to really process and feel into them.

As the old adage goes, what we don’t own, ultimately owns us. This is the messy middle and it’s a segway into the next chapter of your new beginning.