Have you ever stopped to think about the true difference between a change and a transition?

Chances are, probably not. The words change and transition are often thought of as one and the same.

“I transitioned into a new role at work”, “I changed cities”, or “My relationship has changed”.

Things around us are always changing and in flux. In fact, it’s the only reliable constant upon which we can count – no matter what, things as they are, will change.

But it’s not so much change itself that ignites the uncomfortable feelings we associate with life’s moving parts – it’s the transitionary period between what was to what is that’s the struggle.

Change is external

You get fired from your job. Your partner breaks up with you. You move to a new city. One of your parent’s gets diagnosed with cancer. You have a new baby.

These are examples of different situations that can occur in one’s life – some of which are planned with excitement and joy, such as moving to a new city. While others may happen unexpectedly, like discovering a loved one has cancer.

Represented in these examples, are events that signify change. William Bridges, who has heavily researched transitions, notes that change is signified by an external event that occurs.

The event itself is neutral, it’s neither good nor bad. However, it’s our reaction to the event and our internal process that can be characterized by feelings of anger, sadness, grief, and relief.

Transitions are internal

Have you ever watched two people go through the same event to then have markedly different reactions? You may see this when a death occurs in a family. Siblings who lose the same parent can experience the same death; yet, process their grief in very different ways.

That’s because transitions – the space between what was to what is, is an internal experience.

According to Bridges, there are three phases upon which we go through during a transition. Understanding the transitional process through this framework can provide us with a helpful roadmap to knowing where we are along the process.

Endings

The first of the three phases begins with Endings. In this phase, you’re grappling with letting go of what your life was before the change or event occurred.

For instance, when you move in with your partner you might find yourself saying goodbye to your former life when you lived solo – from everything to not having your evenings by yourself to no longer having the freedom to come and go. You’re contending with the idea that that part of your life is shifting and ending.

Neutral Zone

The second phase in Bridge’s model is called the Neutral Zone. You may arrive in this phase after you’ve found some acceptance in saying goodbye to what was. You understand that there has been an ending but life does not yet feel comfortable or natural. This phase is often characterized by deep feelings of discomfort, turmoil, and discord.

As you can imagine, this is not exactly a pleasant place to be. The Neutral Zone is marked with uncertainty and can be a very difficult and isolating time for many. It’s especially important to seek support and help during this phase.

New Beginnings

Over time, after you’ve grieved the losses of what was, and have contended with the discomfort and confusion in the Neutral Zone, you access Bridge’s third phase, New Beginnings. This is the phase where you start adapting and may even discover opportunities for expansion and growth. There may be residual feelings of uncertainty or fear but you have a more grounded sense of your future and where you’re going.

This is the phase where new habits and behaviors can start to kick in. You start to learn what it means to be you – your values, beliefs, and behaviors start to shift as you adapt to your new context.

Takeaway Message

This model provides a lens through which we can understand the difficult feelings that surface after we’ve lost something, someone, or a part of ourselves.

It provides a framework to understand the challenges of adjusting and adapting to a new and unfamiliar context, while also reminding us that nothing stays the same – including our feelings of discomfort and pain. Eventually, we can learn to accept, adapt, and even thrive in our new beginning.

Think about your own life and the current transition you’re facing. What phase are you in?