We’ve all heard about the mid-life crisis – a transitional period during which middle-aged adults start questioning and reevaluating their priorities, goals, and roles. But what about a Quarter-Life Crisis?
The concept of a quarter-life crisis has gained attention in recent years; however, it isn’t always identified among young adults with whom it impacts.
If you’ve gone through your twenties or early thirties with a heightened sense of uncertainty, doubt, and anxiety about who you are and how you fit into this world, the term quarter-life crisis may resonate. Of course, “crisis” can take on different meanings and occurs, and like most things in life, exist on a spectrum. But understanding the key markers that define a quarter-life crisis can help provide a framework from which to understand your experience and, most importantly, normalize this transitional time.
What is a Quarter-Life Crisis, exactly?
The Quarter-life Crisis was first introduced in the book, Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties by Abby Wilner and Alexandra Robbins. The authors talk about the life period for twenty-something-year-olds as they face significant questions around career, money, relationships, and living situations.
It’s a time when folks make big decisions that can potentially impact the trajectory of their life. Young adults are transitioning from home to college, then to the workforce. They are renegotiating their roles with their parents and families. And they’re learning to navigate relationships and long-term partnerships. It’s a time of ongoing identity shifts.
Common Questions During a Quarter-Life Crisis
There are plenty of questions that arise during this transitional time – from everything related to education, employment, finances, and relationships. And because many areas of life feel unstable, young adults can go through this time with the feeling of being “lost.”
Take a look at some examples of common questions that often show up during a quarter-life transition.
Education
What do I study in college?
How much student debt do I take on?
Am I in a “good enough” program?
Will this education lead to a job?
Employment
Will I find employment after I graduate?
How do I enter my specific job market when I have no relevant work experience?
Do I take an (unpaid) internship?
How do I afford to live on this salary?
Finances
When do I have to become financially independent from my family?
How do I afford rent in this city?
Can I save for my future when I’m drowning in student debt?
Do I take on a second job?
Relationships and Intimacy
Will I ever find a partner on the dating apps?
Should I stay in a relationship with this person or keep dating around?
Who am I attracted to?
How do I come out to my parents?
Everyone around me is getting married, when will I find someone?
How do I make friends in this new city?
My parents keep treating me like a kid. Will that ever change?
These are but a few questions young adults face on a given day. And while they may seem like “normal” queries to have in your twenties, remember that times – and context- have significantly changed. While student debt has more than doubled since 2008, young adults are also trying to navigate a highly competitive job market, are waiting to settle down later in life, and are having fewer children. The transitional period between leaving their homestead to entering adulthood is longer, and more nuanced than it once was. It’s also much less of a linear path.
What to do if You’re in a Quarter-Life Crisis
If you’re having difficultly navigating the uncertain waters of young adulthood, you’re not alone. And, most importantly, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s a challenging time to be faced with both tangible and existential questions that impact your future. Thankfully, there are a lot of resources available to help. And one of the most important actions to take is seeking support.
Talk to someone! Your friends, siblings, family members, co-workers – talk to whomever you feel comfortable with and let them know what’s on your mind. Ask if they have gone through similar struggles or challenges. It can be powerful to know you’re not alone.
Speak to a therapist. There are plenty of therapists who specialize in working with transitions, and specifically, with young adults. Seeing a therapist can help you identify your goals, learn coping strategies to manage anxiety, and provide you with unconditional support as you navigate this time. If you’re skeptical of seeing a therapist, check out this previous blog here.
Watch comparisons. One of the biggest drivers of low self-esteem and anxiety is social comparisons. Looking at and judging where you are in comparison to your peers will only exacerbate self-critical thoughts. As hard as it may be, try not to compare yourself and your life to those around you. Everyone has their own struggles behind closed doors and comparing often only leads to desparing.
Set small goals. After you’ve sought support, you may be ready to take action. One of the best ways to build esteem and a sense of mastery is to set small achievable goals. If you’re overwhelmed with applying for jobs or a new apartment, break it down into small steps. When we start to achieve our goals, we start to feel good about ourselves and gain confidence.
The quarter-life period is not for the faint of heart. It’s a time when young folks are wrestling with big questions around their identity and who they want to be in the future. It’s natural to struggle during this transitional time – but it doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. Find someone you can trust and who will be a support to you. Lean into whatever supports you have – and know that the more you normalize this confusing time, the less stigma there is around talking about it.